Most of my memories about college are sewn up in my body: reflections that squeeze my heart, memories that make my eyes water. Mostly, I think of that young girl, whom I am now old enough to mother, as someone who suffered way too much. I deserved better. She deserved better. I want to scoop her up and tell her there is nothing wrong with her and that she just needs to rest. I know better now. I can be her mother now.
But at the time, in the summer of 1998, she fumbled her way through turning 21 and wondered if she was now an adult. In the dorms the previous school year, in the women’s wing of Ball Hall, all that played over and over again was Sarah McLachlan. Nights out in the frat houses, all that played was Tupac and Biggie and we danced and had fun, not gonna lie. But. when we wanted to feel safe from the drinking and god knows what else happened at midnight in those boys’ houses, we ran back to the dorm and to Sarah McLachlan on rotation.
The song, Building a Mystery, reminds me of the scared 21-year-old girl I once was. I suppose one could’ve considered me a woman since I was no longer a teenager. However, looking back with my nearly 47-year-old eyes, I was a baby more than anything. A baby who needed so much more care but never got it at the time
But as always, the same as it ever was, music was my salvation, and this song carried me through some of the loneliest times of my life. I’m seeing Sarah McLachlan at the Greek Theater in Los Angeles at the end of May this year. I’m now old enough to see a favorite artist on a 30-year anniversary record release concert tour, like this one Sarah is doing. As the kids say these days, it’s a little cringe. I’ll be with the older middle-aged people at the 90s-era gig reminiscing. That all being said, I am so excited. So excited to hear Sarah McLachlan with a much stronger heart than I had at 21. Thank you, Sarah, for being there for me when I needed it the most
Blue Thumb Music Collective 